Wednesday, October 15, 2014

With Love...


It blows my mind that I haven’t blogged in 14 months. I’ve wanted to start a steady blog for the last 4 years now but for one reason or another, it just doesn’t seem to work out. The last time I made an entry was during a very fun time in my life. I had just gotten through depression, which I endured alone, simply because that’s how I deal with issues. But I’ll get more into that a little later. The last 10 months of my life I have been working my regular full time job along with a part time job at Sunglass Hut. With so much work, I haven’t had time to have as much of a social life as I would have like, but that’s not to say I’ve had a bad time.

I have learned so much in the last two- three years that I would like to share. As previously mentioned, I suffered from depression at the age of 23. Things in life just weren’t going my way. I was starting to really question my career choice. Things at work took a turn for the worst just as they were starting to look promising. I literally couldn’t smile for months. Then right as I started trying to smile, my one and half year old niece gets diagnosed with leukemia. At this point I really started to question the universe. I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I started distancing myself from my friends only because I just couldn’t fake a smile. Then, the icing on the cake, my dad has a heart attack while being prepped for a surgery for a different medical condition. I just couldn’t deal anymore. In a matter of 4 months, my whole world had turned upside down. I was in a really dark place. My own thoughts scared me.

As I was considering getting professional help, I decided to go to church instead. I kneeled during Sunday morning mass and asked God to help me, help myself, get out of the dark hole I was in. I walked out of church that morning knowing everything would be fine. And it was.  I put everything into perspective and felt like a new person. In my path towards recovery, if you will, I lost someone who I considered to be a best friend. This person decided to take my absence from social activities as a slap in the face, which was not the case at all. I was trashed all over social media by this person and instead of reacting; I decided that I had to cut out all the negativity from my life.  And I realized that there was no reason to be sad anymore, because I still had the two most important things in life: FAMILY and HEALTH.

It’s been almost 3 years since I decided to live a happy and healthy life, inside and out. And I’m glad to report that my niece is now cancer free and she’ll be going to Hawaii in a few days for her Make-A-Wish. My dad is healthy, despite all of his medical conditions and we just celebrated his 70th birthday last month. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that you should never give up on life and really learn to see everything as a life lesson. I truly believe that you have to fall before you can rise and that God will never give us more than we can handle.

In all of this, I have also found true self-confidence. I can do anything I put my mind to. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand anymore. I’m not scared to be alone. I’m not scared of what other people are going to think. I’m not scared of failing. I’m not scared of life.

I will resume my blog on a regular basis because I owe it to myself to go through with the things I want but maybe was too scared to do before. My blog will obviously be a lot more personal now because even if only one person reads my story, I hope that they can take something from it. But as always, there will be a lot of makeup and fashion involved. Just with a lot more wisdom and LOVE.


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